Saturday, 31 December 2016

What If It Was You? #6

What If It Was You
She is single and is willing to give dating a shot. But she has specs. One, she wants a guy whose height is not less than 175cm. Two, she wants a guy with a stable job and who earns more than she earns. She earns a fat salary. Three, she wants a guy who is not necessarily religious, but has the fear of God in him. She does not have preference for religion, as long as your religion recognises God. Four, she wants a guy who can be in charge and take care of things in the other room. Certainly, not a one minute guy. Five, she wants a guy who takes exercise as a top priority. She prefers a guy with six packs, but if the packs fall short of one she can manage the remaining five. Six, she wants a guy who is not stingy. Her kind of guy should not be worried about foreign exchange rate when they are on holiday. Then you met all the six specs, but one. Though you take exercise as a top priority, but you do not have six packs. You have been going to the gym and dieting for a long time, yet you have not acquired common two packs. She fits well into your own specs. You cannot beg your way into her arms. You just have to meet the specs, otherwise your dream girl becomes another man's honey-pie. You heard that you can manufacture six packs via cosmetic surgery. Money for the surgery is not a problem, but when you think about how much return on investment you can make with it, then it is somehow a problem. Another problem is that you are scared of any kind of surgery, it does not matter whether you are sedated. Each time you think about surgery you hallucinate about your funeral. You always think about what if something goes wrong. You love this life so much. And you really need that girl this year. What if it was you?

Friday, 30 December 2016

What If It Was You? #5

What if it was you?
Imagine all your friends smoke weed, except you. You have never tried it and you have never felt the urge to try it. But whenever your friends are in the block smoking weed, you like to watch them. When they pass it on to you for a drag, you will take it, but you always hallucinate an image of yourself dancing naked in the market square. Out of fear you will pass it on to another mate without a drag. Then one day, you and your mates were gathered in the block. As usual they were smoking weed. The smoke from the weed was hitting your medulla so bad that you imagined yourself 'blazing'. That was the day you made up your mind to try it. Like the holy communion in the church, the weed was being passed on. It got to your turn, your mates thought it would be like the old times when you would take it, look at it, and then pass it on to another mate. They were wrong. You dragged it and you felt good afterwards. Few minutes later it was another round. You did not take the weed for another drag, you rather asked one of your mates "who was the pregnant woman that was standing in front of you?" The weed had started working in you, and it had become your boss, giving you orders. Then it asked you to laugh, you laughed; it asked you to jump, you jumped; it asked you to sit, you sat; it asked you to remove your shoes, you did; it asked you to remove your shirt and pant, you did; it asked you to run, as you were about to run your mates grabbed you. The next moment you saw yourself in the hospital. But you were lucky, otherwise the image you hallucinated about would have become a reality. What if it was you?

Thursday, 29 December 2016

What If It Was You? #4

What If It Was You? #4

Imagine you were in a bar on a Friday evening, chilling with a pot of beer after the day's hustle. Then a girl walked in, she was dressed up fit to kill. Your eyes and hers locked, she smiled and winked at you. Suddenly, you were pumped and you seemed like you were in a perfect rapture. You raised your hand and signalled that she should come over to your table. In a second she was there sitting in your front. Your roving eyes travelled all around her body and then stopped at her v-shaped cleavage. The beast in you was awakened. You went straight to the point, and she agreed. She had a few drink to keep her agile. Then you and her were in your other room. It was a rumbustious foreplay. You approached her like a lion and she moved like a panther. Then you both collided and landed on your king size bed. Her both legs were up in the air and your eyes were fixed on her honey-pot. Then you brought out your pistol, she was ready to receive the bullets. But your master P looked like it was fast asleep. In your mind that could not be possible because it was meant to be as strong as a rock. You wiggled it up and down, begging it to wake up and not disappoint you at the eleventh hour. But, no way, it fell flat, still. Then she looked at you, with a heavy sigh of disappointment, dressed up and walked away. What if it was you?

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

What If It Was You? #3

What if it was you?
Imagine a guy asked you out, but you said no. He did not take the no for an answer, so he tried again and again, but you insisted with a big no each time he tried. You even told him that he was not up to your level, so he should back off. All that was to make him leave you alone for good. Then one day you were invited to a birthday party. The dress code was all white. He was invited too, but you did not know. On that day, your dressing was posh, with every piece as stylish as that of a runway top model. All the way from your house people admired you. You walked into the venue with a face brimming with smiles. Then as you just sat down on your seat, he appeared, the guy that had asked you out severally, but you somehow had humiliated. He asked, in a low voice, if you had a minute that he would want to tell you something. But you were not willing to give him your ears. He insisted that it was really important that he spoke to you. You snapped a quick reply at him, "leave me alone, aargh." As you got up, angrily, to walk away, he held your hand and whispered in your ears, "I think your pant is stained with blood." You looked at your pant, you saw the blood stain, you looked at the seat you were sitting on, you saw the blood stain on the white linen that was used as seat cover. Your period had started unexpectedly the moment you stepped into the venue, but you did not notice, no one noticed, except the lover boy. You quickly rushed to the washroom. Now, almost everyone noticed the blood stain on your pant and on the seat, as you rushed out. In the washroom, you had no pads or tampons, it was just you and your abashed face in the mirror. What if it was you?

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

What If It Was You? #2

What If It Was You? #2

Imagine you were given a perfume as Christmas present. You opened the box and started using the perfume. You also threw the box away. You sprayed the perfume lavishly. Meanwhile you had no idea how much the cost was. Next day you went for (window) shopping, as usual, because it was Christmas season. Everyone you met on your way to the mall noticed the scent of your perfume. "You smell really good", they told you. Then at the mall, you saw the same perfume you were given as a gift. You asked the sale's man how much the cost of the perfume was, and he checked the price for you and showed you. It was AUS$365. For a second, you stood, looking dumb. Though you disliked maths, but you were solving calculations in your head about what you could do with that money if you sold the perfume. Reselling the perfume at the mall could be an option. But you have used it already and have thrown the box away. What if it was you?

What If It Was You (#1)

What If It Was You? 
Imagine you attended a social event. Condoms were distributed for free. You grabbed as much as you could, even though you had no idea when you would use them. You have no girl friend, but your mind told you that you could use them to flog the dolphin. From the event, you went to church for an evening service. During offertory you went to give your offering. But you left your bag on the seat. Then a little playful boy, who was let loose by his mum, in his "play-play" mood grabbed your bag and started playing with it. In the process he turned the bag upside down, you were on your way to your seat, you saw the boy with your bag, you rushed quickly to the boy, but before you got to him the packages were already out of the bag. Oh no! The condoms were scattered on the floor. What if it was you?
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